Funny Cover Letter

This is an actual cover letter that I recieved for a part-time job we have posted.


When I saw your advertisement for a part-time Accounting Analyst on Craigslist, I realized this job would be an ideal opportunity for me, and I hope you will think I am the ideal person for the job. My goal is to work for a solid company with solid growth potential, so that I could completely devote myself to that company, and hopefully, spend the rest of my career with that company, where I would do my best to constantly improve myself and the company in the process.
I currently have a Bachelor of Arts degree in Behavioral Sciences, with a minor in Philosophy from the University of Michigan, as well as an ABA-approved paralegal certificate from Denver Career College, but I recently returned to school again, in order to update my skill set and seek more challenging work with more growth potential. Let's just say that I wanted to "stretch" and expand my work-related horizon. In a few months, I plan to obtain my Bachelor of Science degree in Finance from the Metropolitan State College of Denver, with a 4.0 GPA, and upon graduation, I would like to eventually pursue my CFA certification. While I know that my GPA does NOT mean squat in the real world, it does offer a slight indication of my commitment to hard work, and I guarantee that commitment will transfer over to the workplace. Even though I still have plenty to learn, I feel confident that my education in finance has laid the initial groundwork to allow me to perform superbly in this wonderful career opportunity. In fact, I recently completed courses in 'Financial Modeling with Excel' and 'Analysis of Financial Statements' – both of which have given me the necessary knowledge to perform detailed financial analysis, prepare relevant financial reports/graphs, and design effective financial systems that will improve your company's overall financial performance. In addition to the courses mentioned above, I also took a course in 'Computer Applications for Business' a few semesters ago, so I am very proficient in using pivot tables and vlookup. Besides my education, I also possess the necessary skills to do well in this wonderful career opportunity, including the necessary communicational, interpersonal, organizational, analytical, and computer skills. Furthermore, I have a solid work ethic and many years of practical work experience, since I’ve been working continuously from the early age of 12, when I landed my first job as a handy-dandy paperboy. In my last job -- which I recently left on excellent terms in order to finish up school -- I worked as a paralegal & manager at a law firm, which unfortunately dealt with the necessary 'evils' of collections, bankruptcies, and foreclosures. In that capacity, I was responsible for processing foreclosures for our clients, by examining the referral packages, loan documents, and title products, in order to meticulously prepare the necessary Public Trustee and District Court documents. If those documents contained any errors, then they were returned for correction, thereby causing us to lose precious time on our sensitive deadlines. And since time was money, I was very detail-oriented to say the least. In that high-paced environment, where I was the contact person to deal with disgruntled borrowers and demanding clients, I was able to hone my already solid customer service skills, allowing me to respond in a cool, calm and collective manner. In addition to juggling my daily activities at the firm, I was also responsible for supervising & training all employees in my department. To assist in these matters, I created a thorough training & procedural manual, on my own initiative and during my own time. While my wife does not always like me doing so, I tend to bring my 'work' home with me, since I like to work as hard as I can, and sometimes that requires working beyond office hours. But no worries, I always make it up to her. Now, couple my past work experiences, with my current studies in finance, and I believe that I am well suited to do excellent work in this wonderful career opportunity. And if it helps any, please know that I have an absolutely squeaky clean background: I’ve never been in trouble with the law, I have a spotless driving record, and I have a credit score of around 820, all of which may offer some indication of my sense of responsibility. Finally, please know that whatever I might lack in specific qualifications, I more than make up in my ability to quickly learn whatever is needed, in order to bring myself 'up to speed'. And so, I humbly ask for the opportunity to prove my worth as a faithful employee.
To conclude, I would truly appreciate the opportunity to further discuss how I can contribute to your amazing organization. Please find attached a copy of my resume, and please feel free to request me for additional information, like writing samples, references, or transcripts.